I kinda want everyone to know:

This girl could make me happy,

day in and day out,

until my name is etched in a gravestone.

What more is there to want?

I feel small.

Now, it's not that I feel like a tiny person like I'm insignificant, that's not what I mean.  I mean I feel very small inside of a very big world.

This guy added me on Facebook, and I pressed accept before I looked at his profile.  I go and I see we have no friends in common, and he's from...where? Dublin? WHAT? At that point I was just weirded out. I have no clue how he stumbled across my page! So I ask him, he said he was probably drunk (a feat that is actually impossible for true Irish) and he just wants to meet new people.

Then he says the final phrase, "How's life on the other side of the pond?"

And that's when I felt really small.  Cause I wanted to give the guy an answer, so I look out the window and see the pond outside, with the fountain, and the infinite view distance in the sky, with the sun lowering just below the apartments across the way. And I think of how far away this guy is, and it feels like he's on a different planet (according to how I was looking at the world). Cause that's not a pond, that's an ocean, and it's incredibly large.  And I didn't cross a google map on the internet, I crossed an entire country...which is incredibly large.

Just a quick thought.

Nostalgia

I am feeling really nostalgic about the past.
Ya know...the old days. It makes me wanna go back to times like...

When I got my braces off.

When my whole family lived under one roof.
When I didn't know the taste of alcohol.
When I was failing Biology.
When my friends were from school and church.

When John Vesely still wore his wedding ring.

When MTV played music videos.

When I ran with best people I've ever known.

When she loved me freshman year.

When I wrote [what was then] "Warriors & Damsels" in the cottage.

When Dashboard Confessional meant everything to me.

When I went to Oregon and felt so honored.

When I had nightmares from PG-13 movies.

When I didn't use my cell phone 12 hours out of the day.

Okay, so not the last one.

But everything else.

=]

I love you.

So, there's this interesting thing that happens...

...when I listen to probably 75% percent of the things written by Andy Hull.  You see, Senor Hull is the genius behind the band Manchester Orchestra, as well as his side-project Right Away, Great Captain!.  The two combined are a tour-de-force of emotion, scaling a large array of feelings and deep-centered emotion.

Okay, so it's not really weird, persay, but it is pretty intense.  In short, I simply get these intense emotional responses to this music.  And I'm not sure what it is.  Well let me explain each band individually:

Manchester Orchestra - This band has an incredible balance between these amazing, produced rock songs, and these epic, slow, bare, emotional acoustic bits.  But some of the topics are really intense.  Sleeper 1972 is about a dream he had in which his father died, and so he asked his dad if he could make it into a song (thinking no one would ever hear it, of course), and got permission.  But the song is incredibly sad, as it should be.  He says (in a live show before this song) that it is about the moment in life in which these horribly tragic things happen, and how we cope with those moments.  Because it is okay to feel like there's no hope and nothings gonna be better again for a moment.  In fact, it's preferred.  Sadness is a human emotion and we need to go through it. It was a very good point.  He seems like a very interesting guy.

Right Away, Great Captain! - So, for the side-project, Andy decided to write a gang of highly-personal songs, some of them fictional, and write them from the perspective of a 1600's sailor who goes on a three-year sailing voyage with his crew and his Captain.  But, right before his Captain asks him, he witnesses his brother and wife committing adultery against him.  He never says a thing to her, and kisses her and his children goodbye, then leaves on the voyage.  And it's about his catalogue of feelings when he's gone.  The CD is in chonological order, and so the CD starts with him witnessing, and then the second track is him saying "Right away, great Captain, I'll go where you ask me to."  Then, for probably the next 10 songs, we go through him dealing with these emotions.  Does he forgive her?  Does he just move on?  Does he drink his problems away? "I tried drinking but the bottle is still empty, I can only hope for another."

But then, he creates a unique relationship with his Captain, who seems to be stronger, have more knowledge, and just has a better read on the situation than our protagonist.  And through that relationship, he learns how to put his hope in something bigger than people. It's really quite amazing.

But the thing is...I woke up this morning, and I just felt like weeping for this music.  And I really don't feel like that normally.  Sure, there are some songs that I'm just like...Wow I need to take a break from this cause I'm gonna space-out and think about how this song depresses me...but then again, most songs are manageable for me.  This on the other hand, it is all so soft and acoustic, with nothing else. Some of these lyrics just slay me.  The other thing is that all of it so soft, and weak.  It's like he really is struggling to get some of it out, or he really is depressed and how these songs come out.

And of course, Andy Hull had a father and grandfather in the Church, so he's dealing with being brought up in "organized" religion.  Last thing I'll leave you with, here is a bit from his ultra-fascination interview with AbsolutePunk.net.  I'll link the whole thing at the end.

"AP.net: How much does religion play a part in your music, whether it be in inspiration or in story-line?
Andy: Religion plays a significant part in anybody's life that grows up with a dad and granddad as minister. I grow more and more grateful for the life lessons and general mentality of "Christianity" that I was brought up on. Whether people admit it or not, there is a time in every person that grew up surrounded in that lifestyle when you look around and say "Wait... what if I don't believe you?". [I'm Like A Virgin Losing A Child] is that moment for me. I wish I could say that once I finished that record, those questions went away, but they did not and they never do. Faith was something I never understood and still don't. However, I do believe that the moment I started having a general sense of "faith" it was during the movie "Manhattan". I thought to myself, I believe that my existence and the meaning of life is most likely going to be bigger and will always be bigger than something I or any other human can understand. I think the older I get, the more I realize that this whole thing isn't about me at all, never has been."

Andy Hull interview.

Make Sure

Make sure to always dress to impress.

Their standards will only raise as you

Walk down the aisles they've created

For every one of your little moments.

Make sure you understand the weight

Of the situation you've put yourself in.

These was but a step off a cliff, into Hell

Yet you think you've reached the Gates.

Make sure you remember your toothbrush

In such a rush, it's the little things that get you

Before you know it, you're away from home

And you've forgotten your heart on the mantle.

Make sure you save the messages sent

In a heated battle of wits and courage

Step one, set up those you love

Step two, two, watch them fall down

Make sure you tell them you love them

They'll be looking for the false advertising

Make sure you give them exactly what

They're looking for.  What they're looking for.

Make sure you giggle when I kiss you.

It's become such a staple in my mind.

Make sure your love stays strong,

It's become such a staple in my life.

face:face

I am not sure how far this blog will go. A.) I feel weird blogging when I'm not in Florida and B.) There's really not much to explain.

It really comes down to one thing. There is this current trend in my life in which people (in particular ones close to me), choose to ignore advice that I give them. It really is an interesting phenomenon. This can manifest itself in different ways, but more often it ends up being a lose-lose situation. "If you say no, then no it will be."

My curly hair and a voting booth. Confessingly, this is the first time I loved you.
God, I mean it.
God, I mean it.
I hope that I mean it.