Halloweenie.

It's good to hear that so many people had a fulfilling night last night. Enjoy your life, everyone, for we are only on this Earth for a fleeting moment.

Amidst a time in which America is at odds with itself, saying that one half is worse than the other, I beg for us to please, enjoy life. Enjoy each other. Enjoy the country in which we live.

Love thy neighbor.

I love you all.

Listen to Page France

Yeah, that's it.

it's called music, and it's not yours.

Attending a school in which everyone you know is going into the music industry, there can be some heated discussions in regards to what music is the best, or more specifically, what music sucks.  But I'd like everyone to learn something:

MUSIC IS NOT YOURS.

So stop acting like you have the corner market of being omniscient about it.  You have no right to tell me that what I listen to is bad music.  Sure, tell me that you don't like it. Tell me that night and day if you really feel passionate about it.  But I'm so tired of being scared of bringing up all the music I like in a public setting, because I fear getting ripped apart.  I know that Dashboard Confessional is not the most amazing band to ever walk the planet, I know that he has a very small market of people who will truly enjoy his music.  But who the hell are you to say that I shouldn't enjoy that music?  If it's something that brings me genuine joy, let me live and love life because of it.  Go off and listen to whatever you want to listen to, and have the time of your life doing it.  Because trust me, you and I both will be happier if you remove yourself from any area surrounding me.

Thank you, and have a nice evening.

My Future Job

So I found the job that I would give anything to have.

Located in the one and only, Manchester.

I'm sorry, Mom, but I think this is somethin' I gotta do.

http://www.blueprint-studios.com/

dreams of my past, realities of my future

UGH. Why does it seem like everyone is going overseas? Left and right, people I know are just living the dream that I once had: to travel in Europe. I fantasized about the year that I would spend in London, making a living in the area, learning the accent, and immersing myself in the culture.  I would attend the theatre, dress like only the young English do, keep my hair very short, and relish in the crisp and chilly winter air.  I'd stand in the Ritblat Gallery again, admiring the ancient texts of our Lord, studying the handwriting of Lennon and McCartney, and hearing the sound of Florence Nightingale's voice.

I can still see myself going there one day.  Spending more than a week, more than a month even, in the city.

I shan't go alone though.

No, no.

I wouldn't dream of it.

You down?

The New Facebook

I can tell you right now, that there are about 1,000,000 strong who truly hate the "New Facebook" that began to show up around late July.  Word on the street says, the new version will be the ONLY version within a month.  How do people feel about that?

They're pretty pissed off.

But it's so insane to me how people spend so much time complaining about the new version of Facebook.  I mean, there is nothing that you can't do from before, it's literally just in a different format.  It is less cluttered, and revolves around the Wall, which is the most up to date aspect of your profile.  The fact is, you are getting information about your Facebook friends quicker and easier than before.  If I'm not mistaken, Facebook is ultimately a networking tool, right? It's not a game site, it's not a dating service, and it's not a place for you to have your own space in which you html the hell out of it.  It is a networking tool.  You communicate.  And if anyone has noticed, you can do that just fine with the new Facebook.  Even more, you can do it easier now.

So why are you people complaining?

Can we get just a little perspective in here?

It's Facebook.

Feel the love.

Let me be the first to say...

FULL SAIL PARKING SUCKS.

It was so depressing to realize what kind of dream world I was living in during the spring.  Back then, there were parking spots galore; I could nab a spot at anytime.  Now, with all these new students, there is no parking! What's up with that?  I guess I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't taste the fruits of less students during the spring.  I have no clue how long this frustrating scenario will continue, but I have a bad feeling it's going to continue for a long time.  It seems to me Full Sail is accepting more and more students, and thus there is no signs of stopping.

Time to leave for class earlier than normal...

Cocoa Beach Party at the Pier

As I sit here at Cocoa Beach's Party at the Pier, I realize it is the small things in life that create pure joy. I just watched a middle-aged woman stand with her friends in front of everyone at the restraunt and dance away to a song that used to fill her heart with joy in yester-year. The sense of pure joy was enough for me to be able to sit and enjoy the beautiful small things, like dancing, at times like this.

Life is full of these joys, and it only takes a little something to get you to find them.

So sit back, and enjoy the little beauties in life.
The things that cause you to smile without thinking.
The things that cause you to move without a willing thought.
The things that cause you to cheer out loud without hesitation.

These are the days,
These are the moments,
These are the times,

Enjoy them.



I love you all, I hope you know that.
=]

Fay

Fay, Fay, go away

Please come back another day.

Now that the time for SongCraft has passed, we gotta make this storm worsen to cancel more classes!

Oh, that sounds like a bad idea.

Right now it is raining.

It's been like this since I woke up.

Very...SoCal drizzle...my nizzle.

Okay, gonna go to a Hurricane Party now.

=]

We All Face New Things

Southern Cali:
18 year olds all over are getting ready to start their first day of... [Dun dun dunn!] COLLEGE!

Orlando, FL:
Landon gets ready to face his first... [holy shiiiiiit] HURRICANE!

Okay, so by the time it gets to me (late tue), it's only gonna be a Tropical Storm, which I found out is the step below a Category I Hurricane last night. This is crazy stuff, people.

All I gotta say is, I better get my first-time hurricane AND tornado experiences from the same storm. THAT would be rad.

I'm here in the jungle haha.

I'm gonna try to stay alive here. =]

I love you all.

Labratory

I was sitting in my spot in our Songcraft lab, finished with all my work, with nothing to do.  So, I do the two normal things that I'd do. I whip out my iPod with these crazy nice headphones that Full Sail gave me (These Sennheiser ones!) along with my phone, and I'd have myself a classic introverted good time!

Halfway into the first Sufjan song, a lab instructor walks up to me, and just shakes his head (you can't hear anything in these headphones). So I take the headphones off and look at him. He says, "You can't use that in here."  So I reluctantly put the phone in my pocket (I was also mid-text to my beautiful girlfriend), and unplug the iPod and toss it on my backpack. I lean back in my seat to wait out the last 15 min of the lab in silence.  I haven't waited an entire second before the lab instructor is talking to me again.

"Oh, you can use the music device," he tells me.

"Huh?"

"You just can't use the cell phone in here."

And I happily reach down and grab the iPod.  I lean back in my chair again, but before I start the music, I sit and think about what was just said to me.  He told me that I can listen to music because after all, this is a music school, right?  It was then I realized that music receives a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card here.  Because there is nothing different between me listening to music, and me texting, in class.  If I'm listening to music, I can't hear anything else, I will probably just look at my desk or around the room, and I will be unresponsive to pretty much anyone.  If I'm just texting, I am sitting at the desk, looking down, and able to respond to anything that is happening around the room, like if an announcement is made (unlikely though).  In both scenarios I am just sitting, making no noise.  They sound identical to me, if not worse on the side of music.  You see where I've been going with this?

So I eventually put on the headphones and continue down the yellow brick road of Sufjan Stevens, but I still can't get it out of my head.  Because the only difference became what my hands were doing!  I was sitting and listening to music, and I could have been sitting and listening to music, while I press some buttons on the phone.  I would have been doing nothing worse.  I wonder if he would have stopped me from twiddling my thumbs, because that's about all I'd be doing with the phone.

It's a stupid lab anyway.  Tedious and lame. Haha

So take THAT, lab instructor guy.

I kinda want everyone to know:

This girl could make me happy,

day in and day out,

until my name is etched in a gravestone.

What more is there to want?

I feel small.

Now, it's not that I feel like a tiny person like I'm insignificant, that's not what I mean.  I mean I feel very small inside of a very big world.

This guy added me on Facebook, and I pressed accept before I looked at his profile.  I go and I see we have no friends in common, and he's from...where? Dublin? WHAT? At that point I was just weirded out. I have no clue how he stumbled across my page! So I ask him, he said he was probably drunk (a feat that is actually impossible for true Irish) and he just wants to meet new people.

Then he says the final phrase, "How's life on the other side of the pond?"

And that's when I felt really small.  Cause I wanted to give the guy an answer, so I look out the window and see the pond outside, with the fountain, and the infinite view distance in the sky, with the sun lowering just below the apartments across the way. And I think of how far away this guy is, and it feels like he's on a different planet (according to how I was looking at the world). Cause that's not a pond, that's an ocean, and it's incredibly large.  And I didn't cross a google map on the internet, I crossed an entire country...which is incredibly large.

Just a quick thought.

Nostalgia

I am feeling really nostalgic about the past.
Ya know...the old days. It makes me wanna go back to times like...

When I got my braces off.

When my whole family lived under one roof.
When I didn't know the taste of alcohol.
When I was failing Biology.
When my friends were from school and church.

When John Vesely still wore his wedding ring.

When MTV played music videos.

When I ran with best people I've ever known.

When she loved me freshman year.

When I wrote [what was then] "Warriors & Damsels" in the cottage.

When Dashboard Confessional meant everything to me.

When I went to Oregon and felt so honored.

When I had nightmares from PG-13 movies.

When I didn't use my cell phone 12 hours out of the day.

Okay, so not the last one.

But everything else.

=]

I love you.

So, there's this interesting thing that happens...

...when I listen to probably 75% percent of the things written by Andy Hull.  You see, Senor Hull is the genius behind the band Manchester Orchestra, as well as his side-project Right Away, Great Captain!.  The two combined are a tour-de-force of emotion, scaling a large array of feelings and deep-centered emotion.

Okay, so it's not really weird, persay, but it is pretty intense.  In short, I simply get these intense emotional responses to this music.  And I'm not sure what it is.  Well let me explain each band individually:

Manchester Orchestra - This band has an incredible balance between these amazing, produced rock songs, and these epic, slow, bare, emotional acoustic bits.  But some of the topics are really intense.  Sleeper 1972 is about a dream he had in which his father died, and so he asked his dad if he could make it into a song (thinking no one would ever hear it, of course), and got permission.  But the song is incredibly sad, as it should be.  He says (in a live show before this song) that it is about the moment in life in which these horribly tragic things happen, and how we cope with those moments.  Because it is okay to feel like there's no hope and nothings gonna be better again for a moment.  In fact, it's preferred.  Sadness is a human emotion and we need to go through it. It was a very good point.  He seems like a very interesting guy.

Right Away, Great Captain! - So, for the side-project, Andy decided to write a gang of highly-personal songs, some of them fictional, and write them from the perspective of a 1600's sailor who goes on a three-year sailing voyage with his crew and his Captain.  But, right before his Captain asks him, he witnesses his brother and wife committing adultery against him.  He never says a thing to her, and kisses her and his children goodbye, then leaves on the voyage.  And it's about his catalogue of feelings when he's gone.  The CD is in chonological order, and so the CD starts with him witnessing, and then the second track is him saying "Right away, great Captain, I'll go where you ask me to."  Then, for probably the next 10 songs, we go through him dealing with these emotions.  Does he forgive her?  Does he just move on?  Does he drink his problems away? "I tried drinking but the bottle is still empty, I can only hope for another."

But then, he creates a unique relationship with his Captain, who seems to be stronger, have more knowledge, and just has a better read on the situation than our protagonist.  And through that relationship, he learns how to put his hope in something bigger than people. It's really quite amazing.

But the thing is...I woke up this morning, and I just felt like weeping for this music.  And I really don't feel like that normally.  Sure, there are some songs that I'm just like...Wow I need to take a break from this cause I'm gonna space-out and think about how this song depresses me...but then again, most songs are manageable for me.  This on the other hand, it is all so soft and acoustic, with nothing else. Some of these lyrics just slay me.  The other thing is that all of it so soft, and weak.  It's like he really is struggling to get some of it out, or he really is depressed and how these songs come out.

And of course, Andy Hull had a father and grandfather in the Church, so he's dealing with being brought up in "organized" religion.  Last thing I'll leave you with, here is a bit from his ultra-fascination interview with AbsolutePunk.net.  I'll link the whole thing at the end.

"AP.net: How much does religion play a part in your music, whether it be in inspiration or in story-line?
Andy: Religion plays a significant part in anybody's life that grows up with a dad and granddad as minister. I grow more and more grateful for the life lessons and general mentality of "Christianity" that I was brought up on. Whether people admit it or not, there is a time in every person that grew up surrounded in that lifestyle when you look around and say "Wait... what if I don't believe you?". [I'm Like A Virgin Losing A Child] is that moment for me. I wish I could say that once I finished that record, those questions went away, but they did not and they never do. Faith was something I never understood and still don't. However, I do believe that the moment I started having a general sense of "faith" it was during the movie "Manhattan". I thought to myself, I believe that my existence and the meaning of life is most likely going to be bigger and will always be bigger than something I or any other human can understand. I think the older I get, the more I realize that this whole thing isn't about me at all, never has been."

Andy Hull interview.

Make Sure

Make sure to always dress to impress.

Their standards will only raise as you

Walk down the aisles they've created

For every one of your little moments.

Make sure you understand the weight

Of the situation you've put yourself in.

These was but a step off a cliff, into Hell

Yet you think you've reached the Gates.

Make sure you remember your toothbrush

In such a rush, it's the little things that get you

Before you know it, you're away from home

And you've forgotten your heart on the mantle.

Make sure you save the messages sent

In a heated battle of wits and courage

Step one, set up those you love

Step two, two, watch them fall down

Make sure you tell them you love them

They'll be looking for the false advertising

Make sure you give them exactly what

They're looking for.  What they're looking for.

Make sure you giggle when I kiss you.

It's become such a staple in my mind.

Make sure your love stays strong,

It's become such a staple in my life.

face:face

I am not sure how far this blog will go. A.) I feel weird blogging when I'm not in Florida and B.) There's really not much to explain.

It really comes down to one thing. There is this current trend in my life in which people (in particular ones close to me), choose to ignore advice that I give them. It really is an interesting phenomenon. This can manifest itself in different ways, but more often it ends up being a lose-lose situation. "If you say no, then no it will be."

My curly hair and a voting booth. Confessingly, this is the first time I loved you.
God, I mean it.
God, I mean it.
I hope that I mean it.

Please, take my life and use it.

I'm ready.

This day was bound to come...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008. Approx 1045 hours.

Landon received the Three Rings of Death on his Xbox 360.

Wiki- Xbox 360 Technical Problems.

Josiah Leming re-do

When I posted the Josiah Leming blog, I really didn't have much time at all to explain my point.  I didn't want to save it as a draft though, cause I figured I'd never go back to it.  So I posted it as is, and I knew it would be confusing.  So, after I got such a nice flush of comments (Thanks, everyone! I can't say how much I love it!!), I figured I'd give it the time to fully explain it.

So this picture on Josiah's myspace, it's of him simply smoking a cigarette. I'll attach it.  And it now has 149 comments, most of them about this little teeny tiny cig.  And this one girl, who had previously bagged on him for smoking in another comment, was saying how she knows it's his decision, and how she just wishes he wouldn't smoke, and yada yada yada.  So, at the end of this comment, she said stuff like ...but I still love your music, and I still care about you, and "you're still in my prayers."

And I read that, and I honestly thought What? Because I couldn't figure out what she would be praying for.  Because my first thought was I don't think I would ever pray for Josiah Leming. Now, I don't know what she was praying for, but I eventually came up with some things that I would actually pray for.  I would pray that he finds someone he can be truly close with, because I think the kid is lonely as hell.  I would pray that...I dunno, he stays safe on tour.  Stuff like that.  But by the time Josiah comes up on my Things-to-pray-for list, I would have probably been praying for hours.  Doesn't she have someone close to her that is truly hurting?  It sounds really horrible of me to say things like that.  But it's a legit question.

And the term "right or wrong" really wasn't right.  Or...accurate, I should say.  I was just thinking about that idea.  I guess I was thinking about whether I would do that or not.  But I do think it's amazing that a little cigarette busted this huge conversation on his page.  I mean like 70% of musicians smoke.  Haha it makes me laugh a little.

It's 11:11, make a wish.

So this is going to be one of the more random blogs, that addresses a bunch of different things.  Short attention span, I guess.  And by "...one of the...", I mean I want to start doing these more.  I always blog when something big happens, but it's about time I talk about the little things in life.  Like UFC, Microsoft, Southern California (actually pretty big), and finals (eh...big also).  Oh well.  Bear with me, this one is long.  UFC is at the end so you don't have to read it if you don't want to lol.

Microsoft has started something (now, don't quote me on any of this, look it up yourself) called the "i'm Network", in which they donate part of the money they get from advertising to 10 different organizations.    And all this month, any time you use hotmail or MSN Messenger, they're donating more money, or something like that.  But I thought it was soo funny how they are using the common goal of charity to get people to use their software.  That seems so messed up to me.  I dunno, maybe they are really using their software as a tool to give more money...but I doubt it.  

I go to SoCal this weekend.  Kinda crazy.  No, wait...endlessly crazy.  Don't really know what to say about it, other than...who knows what's gonna happen.  I am mainly talking about Elysse.  Cause we aren't together, we can't be together, and that's that.  So what is there to do?  Hang out like nothing's changed, I guess.  Just...ignore the burning toaster (Sunny Day Real Estate's Diary, look it up) in the room.  And there's this big disconnect in my brain.  Cause I was so hurt by some of the things she did, I don't want to care anymore.  But at the same time, I can't let go.  I seriously cannot let go.  I don't get it.  Because I've never had this problem before (in fact it's gotten me into trouble), but now it seems an impossible task.*sigh* I digress.  I'm excited for the trip though.  It will be an amazing boost in morale to see everyone again, especially because it's going to be so long before it happens again.  But let's not dwell on that, we need to think about the time we DO have with each other.  Let's be well, friends.

Finals are this week, naturally.  Because...I have finals [<-- plural] every month.  It's a wonderful trait of Full Sail.  Quite possibly our favorite.  But I'm really not that worried.  I mean, with 100+% in math, and a steady grade in CSI, I'm not really worried about these classes.  I'm not really worried about grades at all, really.  Just being honest.  I never have, and I probably never will.  But I know they affect placement and stuff, so maybe I'll try a little bit.  And for Mom. =]

PS- I'm way excited to come see the home at Debhaven.  8 days, I believe!

And now, for our main event of the evening, I saw one of the greatest fights I have ever seen today.  It was a PRIDE lightweight fight: Nick Diaz v Takanori "Fireball" Gomi.  Now, Gomi is this little 5'8" Japanese kid that held the LW belt.  Because PRIDE was held in Japan, he was a huge crowd favorite.  He liked to throw bombs, but has had impressive submissions like an arm-triangle choke.  Nick Diaz is obviously one of the bad-boy Diaz brothers, who always love to slug it out, but also holds gi and non-gi BJJ black belts under...who was it again...oh yeah I almost forgot Cesar Gracie.  He hasn't had the greatest UFC career, topping out at 10 fights, with a 6-4 record.  So it made for a very interesting fight.

The funny thing about the fight was that Gomi was clearly picked to win.  The commentators knew Diaz was dangerous, but they didn't think he could take it.  Now, they wouldn't say this out loud, but it comes across in their comments.  It got to the point where Gomi was so tired [in the first] that he was dropping his hands and Diaz was popping him in the chin repeatedly.  Then the commentators: "Gomi is dropping his hands because Diaz's punches are not hurting him!" I was like, come on. This is a joke.  Diaz basically dominates the first round, except for one punch that put him on his butt, yet he recovered. And the guys couldn't stop talking about that one punch, until late in the first when the finally realized Nick was really beating the shit out of Gomi. The end of the fight comes in the second round, when Gomi resorts to taking Diaz down, and thus getting himself into a gogoplata.  He gets choked out, taps, and Diaz wins the fight.  Only the second gogoplata-stoppage in the history of PRIDE.  Amazing.  Nick Diaz was now the LW belt holder in PRIDE.

Too bad he smokes a ton of reefer.  Six weeks later, the Nevada State Athletic Commission stated that he failed the drug test he took shortly before the Gomi fight, and tested positive for marijuana.  "Commission Chairman Dr. Tony Alamo said that while a result of 15 is considered positive, the NSAC has a threshold of 50 for athletes." Now, Senor Diaz had a score of 175.  I have no idea how much that really is, but that sounds like a lot of pot, right?  Anyways, the fight goes to a No Contest, he gets fined 20% of his earnings ($3k), and gets six months out of MMA.  Pretty crazy, huh?

Josiah Leming

I just read on one of Josiah Leming's pictures (the one in which he is smoking...controversy!!!), and someone said that they were praying for him.

And I thought...Why?


...and now I'm trying to figure out if that is wrong or right.

Lord, show me the way

Let my words, be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.

God

Grant me the strength to speak when others stand in silence.

Let me tell the truth to those who have only been told lies.

Enable me to walk when the road ahead of me is burning coals.

Bestow upon me knowledge far beyond my years on this Earth.

Give me the words to say when my mind is cluttered with life.

Let me get through a day without her plaguing my consciousness.

Let me sleep through the night without dreams of her face.

Lest I choose do these things own my own (for I would clearly fail),

Let me cling,

close to You,

in Your arms, 

under Your wing.

Javier Rivera

The man, the myth, the legend.  I am sitting here in his class, and we still have three hours, thirty-five minutes, 50 seconds together today.  That makes...*uses math NOT learned in CMA*...about 40 hours left all together.  Now, because no laptops are allowed in this time-stopping class, I am forced to write this down on paper, and promise to myself that I'll type it out in a blog later.  So, you're reading something I wrote on paper first.  I hate writing on paper!  How bored am I? Anyways, I have a newfound hope for this blog, now that John has decided that he'll log on to read it later.

So, I will return to my original topic, distant relative of Zorro, Senor Rivera.  This guy is, pardon moi francais, bad ass.  His hair is jet black, and it's slicked back (by none other than a wide-toothed comb) against his skull.  And the amounts of gel that must be used...my God.  You could probably do every child's hair in Kenya.  I mean, his hair is not only shiny, but the heaps of gel/pomade have dried and now share similar properties with concrete.  He probably does his hair on Monday, and it just stays the exact same way through the week.  His attire has been fine thus far, with two different Full Sail button-ups paired with jeans.  But today, he shows up in a John Cena t-shirt and windbreaker-style pants.  It looks like he partied a little hard on Monday night, and just rolled out of bed this time.  But don't worry! The hair still looks phat. :) He also sports a wedding ring and a classy silver watch.

Now, it was in the second half of our first class in which I saw it.  I was watching him pace the class (as he waited for us adults to write down how to multiply a fraction), and I realized that the man waddles, like a penguin.  It's so awesome.  He doesn't quite take steps, as much as he shuffles each foot forward, making his shoulders move side-to-side.  He simply waddles.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch Happy Feet now.  Go.

And now (which means...*points finger down* mow.), for what I realized today. I have been...

Hold on.  I have to breeze through some problems.

Time Out: 1416 hours

Time In: 1420

I mean, seriously.  4 minutes?  You can't challenge me a little more than that?

Alright, so I've been getting more and more laughs because of Javier's accent.  As you can probably tell, he is Hispanic.  But it's funny cause he doesn't have a strong hispanic accent.  For some reason, I keep on thinking he sounds like he's from Krakosia (The Terminal...anyone?), or Russia, or...somewhere that is not Mexico lolzz.  And i realized that is because he is trying SO hard to compensate for his natural accent, that he is over-enunciating.  It just sounds...wrong.  Once you realize it, you can hear all the ways he is trying to sound like he's from the States (which is in stark contrast to Jose the Puerto Rican in the back, who answers "Aqui!" during roll call).  He speaks so slowly, ever so careful to say everything right, which is funny cause he is talking about horribly boring things in a slow voice.  Bueller?  Bueller?  ...Bueller?

The combonation of all these things cause me to have a profound sense of joy inside.  Sitting here with my fellow classmates, laughing over the crazy antics of our teacher, I feel happy.  Things are alright here, when I look at things like this.  Because yeah, I am stuck in Algebra I, but there are worse things in life.  I feel pretty optimistic right now.  Actually, you know what it is?

I feel free.

Magic Eye

I'm starting to believe that life is just like Magic Eye.  Well, actually life is more like you being put in a locked room, with a chair one light, and a Magic Eye book.  So you walk up to it, and you sit in the chair and pick up this book.  Now, you are presented with this picture.  This picture is kind of chaotic; there isn't much sense being made.  The colors and shapes do not form into any object you have seen before. And you spend your time just sitting and staring at this picture that makes absolutely no sense to you, trying to figure it out.  You look at it every which way possible. I mean, you think, how many different ways can you look at a picture before you see something? Because right now, everything is simply a mess.

And then the most crazy thing happens.  You're looking at a minute detail in the picture (that you realize means nothing), and so you think to try getting a wider view.  And as you pull the picture away from the close-proximity of your face, something moves.  Then, as you get a wider view of the situation, everything becomes completely clear.  Seemingly out of nowhere!

And now you realize you've been staring at a picture of the chair you're sitting in, but instead of you, there is simply a skeleton. Holding a book.  Never to move again.  Then you're not so sure you wanted to know in the first place.

If you want to listen to an awesome song...

...look no further! Here is my Project Playlist that I recently made.  It's got 48 tracks, and I like them all very much.  They are songs that I'm currently listening to here in Florida.  It's another way to connect to each other. =]

Don't worry Dad, no screamo! ;)

You'll have to pick a song to start on (though it randomizes what song it lands on), and so I suggest the first track: Sleeper 1972 by Manchester Orchestra. I want to sing the vocal break at the top of my lungs!

Sleeper 1972

I had like three dreams last night. I only remember two right now.

1. I really don't remember.  And this sucks really bad cause it was a really crazy dream.  If I remember at some point, I'll type it in and update.

2. I had an AIM conversation with brian in which I was asking, no...begging him to not fall for Elysse.  He asked for how long haha.  I didn't really have an answer.  My efforts were futile.

3. I was in the car with someone...I think it was Uzi.  I was in the backseat and he was in the front, and we were driving through my old neighborhood...which makes this story not plausible on about three levels.  But I was telling him about Elysse.  But we were talking like he had known the entire situation. Like he was from Brea, and he had heard from our group of friends. Another reason this doesn't make sense. But I was talking about how unbelievable all of this was. And I tried to turn the music down in the car, but it wasn't turning down, and I realized it wasn't music, it was my badass alarm.  Ryan heard it in Dallas when we had to wake up early lol.

Good to know you still dominate my subconscious.

"Cause I still feel you in this God-forsaken house."

Walking. Moving. Breathing.

I am about to leave my apartment to go watch a UFC event at Chad's place.  It will be a nice time-filler, and hey, I'll probably get a bud lite out of it.  This sport brings out a whole different side of me, that a good portion of my guy friends have seen, but only a few girls have been fortunate enough to witness.  It's kind of a wild thing.  I bring up all sorts of ideas from the back parts of my brain (hahahahaha i typed brian on accident. go freakin figure) that come out in stats, memories, and jokes about Joe Rogan.

But that's not really what I started thinking about just now.  As I thought about me going to this event, and leaving afterwards, I had this mental image, a vision, if you will. Me, leaving the apartment, just off of a smashing good joke, laughing it up.  As soon as the door closes, and I am outside alone, my smile immediately fades.  I stand there for a moment, holding the cold doorknob.  I remove my palm, and turn to start walking to my car.  The camera has a shot of me walking from down the hall.  I take my hands and rub my temples and feel my head.  I never smile. In fact, I don't frown either.  I am simply...there.  I sigh as I reach my car and I get in.  I sit there for a moment, and then grab my iPod, put on a Manchester Orchestra song, and I drive home.  I go to sleep.

It made me feel like everything here was just filler.  Going from one event to another, my spirits lifting temporarily, then going back down to a state of nothing once again.  Yeah, I know.  It's a pretty depressing way to talk about life.

I guess I'm just a pessimist.

Life is so technical...

I have been realizing lately that life is full of technicalities.  Relationships are simply things we can't say, and things we can, according to the situation.  Well, at least some relationships are.  There are always things that are being held back...things that are...eh.

Maybe I'll write about that later.  I wrote this a couple weeks ago.  Enjoy:

I think I'll just sit here a while

And think of our times in the sun

It was beautiful and it was warm

With an entire world for us to run

The stars we couldn't see hanging

And the wounds we wouldn't speak of

The world was ours for the taking

yes, the world was ours for the taking

We're on a path we can't control

Led into lives we don't want to keep

Keep the make up and lie to ones we love

Feeling empty when it's through

But nothing could change how I feel now

I love you.

I'll be here whenever you want me

The center of something I don't own.

But this is harder than I imagined

I really wish I would have known

I'm trying my hardest here

So I hope you understand

This isn't something that I'm used to

This wasn't something that I planned

We're on a path we can't control

Led into lives we don't want to keep

Keep the make up and lie to ones we love

But feeling empty when it's through

But nothing could change how I feel now

I love you.

I can say that it was perfect

I can say I wouldn't change a thing

I can say that it was perfect

I  can say I wouldn't change a thing

California

I miss you. I love you.  I do.

I'll make it up to you I swear

Just be home when I get there.

Deep Thoughts

Love.  It's the wave I ride that won't ever reach the shore.  Overwhelmed by the tide and wanting nothing more tonight, than to take this time and make it all mine.

I swear, love is going to be thing that drives me.

Until the day I die.

Drives me up the wall.

Drives me insane.

Drives me to do the impossible.

Drives me to the edge.

Drives me to laugh.

Drives me to cry.

Drives me to cry out of laughter.

Drives me across the country.

And yet, it's the thing that drives you away.

I haven't wanted to write a blog about love because, shoot, what do I know?  I'm just a young man...what do I have to say about the thing that makes the world go round?  And so I hesitated and doubted myself, and I didn't write anything at all.  The reason this blog didn't get updated was because I didn't want to write about what wasn't on my mind.  I don't want to talk about my classes when she is what is on my mind.  Then, all of a sudden I realized that I don't give a rip about whether I know  the answers.  I don't have to.  All I want to do is talk about my thoughts, about how I feel, not talk about how I know what love is.  Because I don't.  Who does?  But hell, I'm willing to take a shot at it.  At least try to figure this out.

SO, that said, I don't get what is going on.  I have no idea how all this happened in one month.  It was mere 39 days ago in which I was having one of the most beautiful afternoons I have ever had.  It was a happiness I had never known before.  Days spent in sunshine at the park with a ravishing beauty.  Matchless.  I cannot explain as to how perfect that month was; praise God for showing me something truly beautiful.  In a time in which the future hung over my head like the thunderstorms I now experience, she was my glorious spring morning.

Mornings are different here.  I no longer share mornings with her, I no longer experience the sun rising at the same time.  I haven't slept well lately, mainly because I never really moved away from California time.  I stayed up late in California, and I've stayed up later here.  It doesn't help anything when you're going to bed when the sun is waking up.

But none of this seems fair.  Why now?  As she once told me, "I am so confused as to why God would put you in my life only to take you away."  It doesn't make sense to me.  Because we didn't have a falling out.  We didn't find reasons to not be with each other.  We didn't have a traditional break up.  And yet, I cannot be with her.  And now I'm stuck with all these feelings, and I don't want to move on, because what if we have a chance when I move back?  If that's possible, then I don't want to kiss anyone else's lips for two years.  I don't want to be with someone else.  How fair is that to whomever I'm with?  Thanks honey, I love you to, but you see, there's this girl back in California, and well...if I had a choice, I'd be with her.  Because, like it or not, that's how it's gonna be.  I know there is going to be a time in which I am talking to some girl, holding her hand, and I am going to wish it is Elysse's hand, with my ring on her thumb.  I can't see how that is fair to Miss Jane Doe.  Besides, it doesn't feel right to compromise either.  I'm gonna get to know girls, yes.  I'm scared of the moment, though, in which I look at her and think Well, you just don't measure up. I sigh. Dammit.

So, here's to living alone.

Here's to learning how to be independent.

Here's to learning how to live without someone telling me they love me to my face.

Here's to that perfect month.

Here's to true love.

Here's to the prayers I say for us.

Here's to showing me positive living.

Here's to our lives not yet lived.

Here's to the man I'm becoming.

Here's to two years.

Here's to you, Elysse.

oh the bluesss

As my fellow music enthusiast friend John Ploch plays some Expert-level guitar hero (Stevie Ray Vaughn), I have some time to write a little somethin' somethin'.

I took my Introduction to Media Arts final today, and there is a waaay more-than-likely chance that I got a B in the class. If I didn't take the final, I would have passed with over a 70. If I got 50% or better, I got a B. If I get a 98% or better, I get an A. That really sucks ya know? That's nice, the A is juuust above my reach. Good to know I set myself up for that one, right? Haha. My final in Behavioral Science (more like second-half mid-term) is really all common sense. How do you solve problems? AND you give it to me in multiple choice. Why, thank you for the A, it's much appreciated, Gale.

Next month's classes are Computer Science and the Internet (aka CSI ;) haha), and College Mathematics (aka CMA, the country music awards. Great. Good to know I ALREADY have a reason to hate the class, and I haven't even seen a division sign yet). They seem alright. It was nice of Full Sail to provide me with a fantastic little solar-powered calculator. I think they realize a bunch of these people are about a decade out from taking the SATs, and they didn't hang on to their TI-83s. But the other thing I noticed was that the math book (fittingly titled Algebra) was deticated to someone's mother who had passed on. It made me think...how would I feel if someone dedicated a math book to me. I mean, I would be honored, I guess. "Thanks, Bobby. I'm glad everyone's gonna think I'm a nerd now." Haha oh well. I'm sure that her mother is proud of her, wherever she may be.

Anyways, its time for me to sing Radiohead on Rock Band. :)

Thank JP for this one. =]

So, I know, I know, I know.  I haven't posted in like...forever.  Thus the perks of having an internet connection that is puny and slow.  And also of being in class that actually requires you to pay attention...what's up with that, right?  So that has been my life.

But things have been really hard lately, and the continual love and support from back home is more than appreciated.  All you friends are so good to me.  Thank you to Tracie for listening to me talk her ear off about my program and everything that was going on.  Thank you to Joey for talking to me as a fellow man, and giving me endless laughs.  Especially, thank you to my mother for talking me through the pain of coming home to an empty house for the first time in my life.

I will be updating things more, now that internet is coming into the apartment in about a week.  I will be satisfying JP (and anyone else who wished to check back consistently) with blogs [hopefully] every week.  I just have to think of things to say!  It's gonna be a little battle to think of what to write in here and what to keep out.  I think it's gonna end up being pretty honest, actually.  It is gonna have some moments in which I really open myself up here, and I hope everyone can see how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking while over here in Orlando.

One thing has been finding someone to talk to.  When I called my mom in tears the other night, I found myself in the place where I couldn't even speak about what's going on.  All I could do was just cry over what was going on.  I wanted someone to talk to.  I wanted someone who was going to meet me on my level, to see how I was feeling.  That's what I need right now.  People to try and see me where I am.

And so it gets to the point to where my mother tells me that I should get hooked up with someone from a church here.  I know that's true.  And so this guy calls me today from a local church...David Lorenz.  He got hooked up from another guy at the church, who heard from my dad, who got the OK from me to call someone at that church.  And so I had this 15 minute conversation with this guy, but I couldn't really talk to him like ME.  Because I felt like I still had to be on good behavior.  And that's not how I want to feel around people.  Sure there are times that I like that feeling, like when I was around Noel, Elysse's mother, for example.  I enjoy being cordial in time like that.  But if I'm telling someone about my problems, I at least want to be able to curse.  And I don't feel like I can do that in front of someone in the church.  Sorry.

Well that's all for now.

I'll be posting more.

Be ready.

This will probably get intense.

Meridian Hookah Lounge

Well we found the local hookah lounge and they offer unlimited hookahs, free WiFi, and comfy seats all for 10 bucks a night.  They say you can leave and come back all under the same 10 bucks.  Open like noon to 3 am.  You can't really beat that, eh?

Today was a hard day.  Today began the time in which I am completely and utterly alone.  It's definitely a new experience that I did not expect. Everything was fine and dandy until I had to entertain myself all day.  Things changed very fast.  I find 24 hours to be much longer than I thought it would be.

And now I sit in Meridian, in a half booth with my lone hookah, and next to me is a huuuge (UCF probably) booth of kids.  Like 4 guys, 5 girls.  A true part.  And I'm like next to them, blowing O's left and right, and they probably think I'm the biggest loner ever.  But that's alright.  Cause the guys are truly jealous of my O blowing ability.  Thank you, southern cali.  Mmm this is pretty nice hookah right now.  It doesn't last too long to be honest.  But I'm being picky.

I guess I just want everyone to know that I miss them all terribly.  Truth.

Sunny Orlando

It's morning, bright, and beautiful in Orlando this morning.  It's been a few crazy days since last I posted on here.  I--

*sighs* It's really hard to concentrate when there is a guy trimming the hedges out there.  It sounds like someone is revving their Kawasaki righ outside my window. Haha the joys of living in the apartment complexes in Winter Park.  Nothing like it!

Anyways, where was I? Well, everything has pretty much been taken care of.  From registration, to getting the MBPro, books, and classes, to everything at the apartment (I'm typing this from my bed).  And now that everything is done, I'm still trying to convince myself that this is where I come home at the end of the day.  This is my personal sanctuary in Florida.  That is something that is really quite hard to grasp.  After living in the same house my whole life (save for the two months at the Barry's), it's hard to comprehend this place being my residence.  But alas, these are yet the same arguments and complaints and ideas that I have had for some time now.  So now onto modern things.

This MacBook is sweet.  2.5 GHz...200 GB of space...Leopard...Final Cut Studio and Logic Studio...I don't really have much room for complaints.  It's just sweet.  And my first two classes are Behavioral Science and Introduction to Media Arts.  I am already like looking through the BS book cause I'm interested in it.  It seems to be a nice book.  Full Sail puts them out, which is interesting.  There's work pages all throughout the inside and everything.  Looks like nice stuff.  I got my ID badge too.  That's probably the most ironic thing about Full Sail.  They have the most intense technical stuff in the world, and the picture on my badge looks like a 5 year-old drew it with a crayon.  It's really quite funny.

The apartment really is awesome.  Pictures will be taken today, once everything is definitely settled.  I really think this place is going to make me a better person.  There's something about owning your own place that makes you want to take care of it.  Even though I had my own spot in the house in Brea, this is my place to show off, and I plan on doing it.  I want to have friends over...when I make them of course.

Well, there's the Kawasaki again.

Moving on to silliness, I have made friends with the ducks at Seabrook Apts, actually.  They are my friends and they are cute.  I haven't had the chance to chat with the mama that has like 10 little ducklings, but I plan on getting close to the kiddies soon.  They will be good friends later in the stay here, so I figure I might as well get to know them at a young age.  I'm serious guys, when someone visits me (like...my family) in about a year, I'm gonna be freakin' close to these ducks.  You have no idea.  They're gonna be smoking hookah with me even.  Just you wait.

Just you wait.

Full Sail

As I sit here in the auditorium of the Music Business center at Full Sail University, I realize that yes, I have arrived.

new tire, new day

We are getting the tire replaced now...finally. It was starting to look pretty bad. But now that we have a new one, we can continue on the journey.

Last night wasn't anything too crazy. We stayed in Austin with Artie's dad, and I got the chance to meet some of the people he hung with while living here. Just the normal fun times with people I don't really know. Maybe it was just a preview for Florida ;). Anyways, downtown Austin is a pretty cool place, and I can see how Artie adores it. There are some fun things to be done there.

But anyways, I didn't really have a ton to say right now. Just that we are still alive and kicking. Pray for us...today is gonna be long again.

Love.

new discoveries

I'm not currently driving, so I can type a little blog while trying to look up to experience the parts of our country that I haven't seen. It seems a difficult task. My camera currently running at a more accelerated pace. Needless to say, the desert is not the most beautiful part of the whole United States of A. We gave it only one "S" for a reason.

But now we have entered the mids of Texas, and I must say, there is much that I haven't seen. The stone hills rise high above the ground, with their layers clearly visible. And not grey or something lame, they range from golden to red, blue to white. There is clearly a history here.

Something that has come up in conversation (in breaks between albums) is the idea of how fast we are going and the distance we are traveling. Because the Texas I-10 speed limit is 80, we are traversing the Earth at a pretty crazy speed. The road's white lines speed past our car faster than normal. Road that seems so far away, is the road we pass in nearly minutes.

But anyways. It seems I am too easily distracted from writing for now. Signing off. :)

Love to everyone.

good morning

Ah. La Quinta Inn...nothing like it. My ethnic car-mate has just informed me that it means "The Fifth." Fantastic name for a hotel. But I would not rather be anywhere else. The sounds of the I-10 as you wake up. Removing the empty Bud Light bottle from behind your tire in the morning. The Continental Breakfast that has been taken by the other inhabitants. Don't get me wrong, I am quite grateful for the place to stay (Thanks mom and dad), but this is something to laugh about in the future.

Artie and I walk down to get our continental breakfast, and lo and behold, there are about...5 families downstairs, which somehow translates to about 50 people, all trying to get a piece of the breakfast that was advertised. This was a fantastic display for survival. I mean, there were mothers carrying about 10 milks to their young. I literally saw one table, where everyone had their own silverware, that had about 6 un-opened spoons just sitting there. At that time, we were looking for spoons, so you can see the frustration. It was alright though, I had my Lucky Charms, and Artie had his whole-wheat Total (a decision he wasn't most pleased with later). But regardless, we are delaying our departure by sitting here and watching American Dreamz (dreams with a z!) and so we need to get going.

I am driving the first leg of our shorter trip today, but I'll be riding shotgun the second half, so I'll hopefully either update this or be hitting some of you people up mid-afternoon.

I love you all.
Thanks for being supportive.
=]]

the journey has begun

Arturo and I are 76 miles into Arizona, and it isn't the most exciting place. Thankfully Stephen Lynch makes life a little funnier than it was before. I can honestly say I wasn't mentally prepared for this car ride. Not to mention I was way too tired. Artie's been driving for about 200 miles now, and I think he's payed his early trip dues :).

But its weird to be gone though. Yet another thing I wasn't ready to think about. Tears were had last night, yes, but yesterday was amazing. I could not really ask for anything more. It was exciting, beautiful, sad, and funnier than I could have imagined. Radiohead closes their latest album by saying something along the lines of, I have no problem with saying goodbye, because I know today has been the most perfect day I've ever seen.

I feel like that's pretty true about yesterday. Thanks, guys.